Q&A for Getting There

Thanks to the Daily Mercury for their interview. We talked about how Stu died, why I wrote the book, and if you ever 'move on'. Here's a snippet.

Can you explain your life before the accident?

Stu and I loved to travel, but we didn't want to be tourists anymore.  We decided to teach English all over the world indefinitely so we sold our home, our car, quit our jobs and headed off.  We'd been in Poland for about five months when Stu headed our with his indoor soccer team.  It was the first time that we'd been separated.  I said, "Go, enjoy yourself."  He was hit by a car on a pedestrian crossing walking home that night.  He died in hospital the next day.

I came back to Mackay for the funeral, then went back to Poland and finished our teaching contract. 

Once the funeral is over, everyone thinks 'now you move on'.  What were those first few months like?

I thought that too.  I was quite an independent person.  It took more than two weeks to have the funeral.  I thought that all I needed to do was get through those few weeks, then I'd get on with my life.  But the morning after the funeral, I suddenly realised Stu was really not coming back.  I just walked around in a stupor for a while.

Do you ever 'move on'?

I don't think so.  Stu's and my life together shaped who I am.  There is some level of grief for a long time, but it's not so overpowering.  I think it's about accepting that the person was part of your life, and they stay part of you.  You create a life where that is still within you and you continue your life.

How do you support someone who is grieving?

You really don't need to say anything.  You just need to be there and listen.