The Heart of It

Truth is, I get scared when I see my family members or friends facing really hard stuff. A few people I care about are right now working through the death of someone they loved and cancer diagnoses. I'm standing by trying my best to work out how to be useful.

I've had a journey of dealing with loss of my own and talk a lot about working through grief. That has given me some confidence in being there for others. But like most people, I still have moments of struggling to know what to say or do.

I can think of a couple of reasons for that. The first is that there just isn't any 'right' things you can say. There are no magic words or perfect actions that will be just what my friends need to hear to make them feel better. But that's ok because I don't think they need my words. They need my ears, just to listen.

They also need my heart, to connect with them. And if you're not great with vulnerability, this is where it can get tricky. Being in the presence of others' hurt taps into seeing (and feeling) our own hurt as well. That can take some courage, to be in a space where you're both willing to sit with all the fear and hurt together.

I'm not that courageous yet, but happy to continue being a work in progress.